Wednesday, October 15, 2008

'Mam-ries'

Best thing about this pic.... is wondering about the poor bastard is who got issued this guy's 'secondary' mask next...


I was reminded about the gas chamber, of all things, while I was at the reception this weekend.

Work with me here, this is just the way my noggin' works...

The very first thing you do when you get your mask is test it. Sure, it's been inspected... right-o, that's nice n' all, but I like to make sure. You do this by pulling it out from the mask carrier and place the mask up to your face. That's test no 1. No use going further if you have a size XXL mug and a XXS mask. Helps if you can actually see through the eye lenses, as well. Uh... if it's new (to you), might want to check for lingering CS fumes and/or puke (bonus).

Then you go about the process of pulling the restraining straps over to the back of your head (test no. b). Imagine the suckage if you were to get to the chamber with the requisite NBC instructor crazy-as-hell (from years of fumes), only to find that the straps rip as soon as you start messing around with 'em. Not Cool.

Next thing you do is what we call don and clear (test 'ee'). This is the part where you you check to make sure that you can empty the mask's interior should any fumes get on the inside. This is also very important because there's not even a question about it, in the chamber you will get gas on the inside of the mask.

One of the last things you do is, while the mask is on and apparently working properly, to bend over at the waist and shake yer head around like the big green weenie of doom was fast approaching and all you could do was to shake your head in anticipation. This is to simulate vigorous activity. Kind of depends on the instructor, but you usually get some sort of level of vigorous activity (PT, mosh pit, beat down, etc) in the chamber, so making sure that your mask is adjusted well is also one of life's Important Things.


Now, what does this have to do with wedding receptions, you ask?

It's a pretty good example of advanced preparation for a known future event.

*Ahem*

Ladies, when it comes time to plan for a wedding and more importantly (duh) your outfit, it might be a wise course of action to, you know, throw on that dress once before wearing it (out in public). Mebbe even move around a bit, in the comfort of your own place, or something. Ill fitting dresses just might result in frequent adjustments that look alot like you're feeling yourself up on the dance floor / buffet table / dinner table / outer hall / bar / etc. It's always a nice 'touch' if your girlfriend is aware enough to cover your assets when they unexpectedly try to come out to say 'hi' just as ole Murphy's walking through the door.

Howdy!

I didn't know whether to look for a beer or a lap dance...

Not that I mind, of course, and I'm pretty sure that it didn't bother Gramps one bit, but we deserve some sort of warning for that kinda of thing, you know? Heck, we have significant others that are just waiting to kick everybodys ass when the inevitable happens. Take a wild guess on whos ass is gonna be first in line for the ass-kickin'... Sheesh!


Oh, and to the classy lady that decided to do the limbo... in what looked like a wide belt of all things.... facing the tables...






Thanks.

9 comments:

Bob G. said...

ROFLMAO...!!!!
You are one MARVELOUSLY sick-o Devil Dog!!!

It's now WHAT you tell...but it IS ALL in the WAY YOU TELL IT!!!

Carry On
(as will I)

B.G.

Murphy said...

Heh, any skills that I might have in story tellin' either come from my grandfather (hunter/fisherman) or, more likely, from many occasions of standby to standby, change 1 change 2, hurry up and wait, and perhaps 'Smitty, gimme another beer and lemme tell y'all about this one time...'

Old NFO said...

hehehe- Sounds like there was some bonus eye candy :-) But it looks like you survived!

Jay G said...

This thread is worthless without pics...

Fire Fox said...

You have such a way with words... and it's always a pleasure to read your posts! It's amazing to see you tie gas masks and weddings together in such a humorous way! Thanks for the laughs!!!!

Sabra said...

For a while there, I was deathly afraid it would be the bride you were talking about. Those strapless gowns have always worried me.

Murphy said...

old nfo - bingo.

jay g - I have my fair share of guts, but taking pics of hoohas with my better half right next to me... I ain't that brave.

fire fox - thanks.

sabra - I've never really understood how those strapless jobbies work. They seem to do the trick most of the time though... dangit.

Anonymous said...

Re, pictures; That's why I always make friends with the photographer.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, no wedding stories to share, but you did bring back memories of my eighteenth birthday: Summer, 1973, hot as hell, boot camp, gas chamber. At least I didn't hurl.