Friday, October 3, 2008

If I Ruled The World...

I had a thought, recently.

Don't act too surprised, reader(s), they happen on occasion.

What we really need, when it comes to politics, politicians, and most people in general, is something like this.

Work with me here...

I propose that any time a politician lies, fudges the facts, makes dumb remarks, distorts figures, avoids the question etc etc ad friggin' nauseum, he, she, and/or it should get a good n' solid jolt - you know, to help them get back on track. They're always all miked up anyways, adding a coupla extra wires wouldn't be terribly complicated, and I'm sure there'd be plenty of volunteers to help with the equipment and administration.

Just imagine,

"Ah did not have sex with- *crrackcrrackcrrackcrrack!* ...Ungh!"

For more current events, I think it might be a good idea to institute a 'Zap List', or that is to say a list of words, suggestions, or situations in which the Taser of Doom would be wielded with gleeful abandon. I propose the following;

Any mention of;


Universal... anything.

Bail out.

"The One".

Any time;

Senator Biden opens his mouth (preemptive measure).

A musician, actor, or TV hosts spews their views ($$$, fake boobies, and inflated ego are no protection from my Taser of Doom...).

A politician answers a yes or no question with anything other than... wait for it... 'Yes' or 'No' (Friggin' amazing concept, that one...).

A politician opens his cake hole without sufficient knowledge of the question (Muahahaha....)

A politician makes dumb jokes (bombing other nations, shooting at other candidates, corner stores with funny accented folk, etc).

Any news updates showing (jolt for the news 'journalists' and all hands in the clip);

Whenever Obama fans cry and/or show their 'O face'.

Creepy Obama's-gonna-save-the-world music.

Fashion critiques on friggin' shoes. Shoes.

To be fair, I might consider credit on future taser avoidance as a result of someone being honest for once [chuckle]. Hell I'd declare a temporary (3o minutes, say) moratorium for anyone that might actually say, 'You know, I don't know, but I'll find out'.

Thoughts or suggestions are nice, but 'tase yourself' probably won't be taken into consideration...


Rich said...

Your taser of doom has one glaring flaw. There's little residual pain. You need something that will leave a reminder for a week or two.

I don't want the politician getting up and saying "honey, it's OK. I'm all right." I want him or her groaning in agony on the floor for at least a few minutes.

Bobby G. said...

Love the idea...will GLADLY volunteer to help with any "installation" issues.

But how about a "zap-chip"?
That way they can get their due a lot farther down range?
Kinda like "fire and forget".

Be nice to see people (that deserve it) twitchin' their way through life after a few well-timed "zzzzts".

And I DO concure on your lists.
But I would exempt the "zoomies" when it comes to the "bailout" issue for obvious reasons...LMAO!

Carry On.

Murphy said...

Rich: Hmmm, good point... we need something like bobby g's 'zap chip', though my fire and forget would be more along the lines of fire (on full power) and forget (about the squirming, jiggling, squealing excuse for humanity, and go do something productive, like clip my toe nails.

The Captain said...

Shock collars with wireless activators. Just dial the phone number of the collar and *BZZZZZZT*

Jarhead said...

I should be able to use it on my problem Marines as well. Just light them up as soon as they start making another bullshit excuse.

Old NFO said...

LOVE IT!!!! Can we start tomorrow... please, please, please :-)