Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Another One Bites The Dust


With that latest order from the First Sergeant, there was a mad rush to abandon ship. Marines were hurtling themselves through hatches, climbing over racks, all but diving offa the ship, and preparing themselves to run over anyone of a lesser rank than they were.

There was liberty to be had.

Me, I figgured that I would avoid the rush. Me and my liberty party (group of guys that agree to hang together during libo in a foreign port) had already decided on this, and agreed that 20 or 30 minutes would definitely not kill us on a three day pass. None of us had any duty until the evening of the second day, so there was plenty of time to go out and have a good time without battling the human waves fleeing the ship.

I leisurely walked down to the heads, took a shower, and slowly got dressed. By the time I finished, most of the platoon was already gone, save for the poor bastards that had to stand some type of watch. I gathered my libo crew up and as we were going through the motions of signing out, tried to decide what we were going to do. A couple of the guys were married, others needed to call significant others, so we decided to hit the phone center.

Most all ports that I was in had several things in common.

Once you were past the long-faced sulky Marines standing watch, once you had signed out under the glare of the Corporal of the Guard, you left the ship. More or less immediately off of the ship, you had to contest with the local taxi drivers, guides, and prostitutes. All were quite eager to get any business that could be had. There were usually a number of nearby shops selling mementos, munchies, and maps. The shops were what we were looking for, because around the shops were usually banks to exchange money and phone banks to call home.

*brrring.... brrring*

MY LOVE: Hello?

ME: Howdy.

MY LOVE: *insert high pitched squeal here*

ME: [ears bleeding]

[Insert several minutes of disgustingly romantic drivel the likes I swore that I'd never be caught dead uttering, mushy comments of love, loneliness, and other... stuff.]

Calling home is one of the true high lights... especially when it's to one's One True Love. Yup, ole Murf was turning in his bachelor status, and as evidenced by phone records, his man card as well. Phone calls were rare, due to my working schedule, but very important, 'cause we were planning a wedding.

I'll let that sink in for a moment... we were planning a wedding... while I was on deployment.

Now, if I can continue amidst the wild cheering from those guys that figgure I had it made in the shade, lemme 'splain something. Guys, as good as it sounds to miss out on plans, reservations, fittings (uniform), phone calls, tastings, etc etc (and for good measure, etc), and I admit, it's does sound good, there's a down side to all of that. Don't believe me?

Heh, heh, heh.

ME: So, babe, how goes the plans?

MY LOVE: *Squeal* Glad you asked! I've gotten a lot of stuff done.... let's see here, I reserved the restaurant, the hall, gotten the plates decided on....

ME: Hold on, hold on, just a sec... how much was the reservation for [the following occurred for each category; restaurant, dress(es), food, booze, gratuities, and... pretty much all of 'em]?

MY LOVE: Oh it's perfect! It's lovely! It's...

ME: Great, baby, it's your 'big day' after all, but how much was it?

MY LOVE: ... it's exactly what I was looking for!...

[insert ominous music here]

ME: So it was...

MY LOVE: ... such a deal! My sister's friend's cousin's old high school teacher's hairdresser's baby-daddy's college buddy knew of this guy who'd heard of this new shop....

ME: [making sign of the cross]

MY LOVE: ... and we got it on sale, too!...

ME: [Hail Mary, fulla grace. Blessed art Thou amongst...] On sale for...

MY LOVE: ... a good thing too, as we're paying for it, aren't you happy?

ME: [Praying to any and all deities now, real and imagined] 'Course I'm happy baby, I'm just wondering how-

MY LOVE: *Squeal!* I'm so happy!

ME: [gritting teeth]

Yeah, I kinda think her Mom had it all figured out. When asked by My Lovely if she would ante up for... let's take food, for example, she'd respond along the lines of, 'sure, guess we can have weenies and beans in the back yard or something...' Bingo. Murf's got the tab for the grub.

Wedding's are expensive, y'all. Nice, but expensive.


Larry said...

Off topic, but today in history (June 26) the Marines earn the name "Teufelhundes" at Belleau Wood.
Mostly Cajun had the write-up.
Semper Fi Devil Dogs!

Matt G said...

Unless I'm missing something, this did not turn out well....