Monday, September 24, 2007

Mess Nights, Platoon Pride, & Marines in Trouble (again), Part 1

Mess Night is a rare function that is designed to build camaraderie amongst the company. It can be an Officer and/or Staff non commissioned officer (NCO) night, an NCO only night, or an all company mess night. Unlike the Marine Corps Birthday Ball wives are usually not present, and probably for good reason. It is the usually once or twice a career opportunity for the entirety of the unit to get together and show your ass, sort of.

My first mess night, I was a Pfc. Pvts and Pfcs are usually to be found serving the beverages of the night, and some of the junior Staff NCOs and Officers would be found cooking up the meat. Thankfully, there were quite a few Pvts to do the work, which left me to watch the festivities. The senior enlisted man at these functions would serve as the master of ceremonies, what few ceremonies there were. He had authority over everyone but the Commanding Officer, and the M.C. wasn't afraid to demonstrate it. The C.O. was...the C.O., probably doing his best to ensure that this wouldn't turn into a career-ender for him!

My first ever mess night, Gunny Kill was the Master of Ceremonies. First Sergeant was probably hiding somewhere...

Ah, the Gunny. On this mess night, once everyone was seated and the games began, he was seated at the front of the room, with the CO. CO gets a funny look in his eye, and whispers in the Gunny's ear. Gunny starts roaring, so I know that someone is in Some Shit. "Captain Batman, get your ass up here!" says the Gunny. According to the rules of mess night, for this occasion, Gunny outranked the Captain. He could order, fine (usually in the single-digit dollar amount), berate, etc especially as the night grew long and the kegs grew light.

CAPTAIN: (rising from his seat near the front) Now Gunny, I don-
GUNNY: Shaddap, sir! (gavel slams down) *BAM!* Two dollar fine for the beer fund!
CAPTAIN: Wha- ?!?
GUNNY: Shaddap, sir! *BAM* Three dollars for the beer fund.
CAPTAIN: As you wish. (the required answer came accompanied this night by rolled eyes)
GUNNY: That's more like it. Now a certain informant (wink to the CO) has informed me that before you joined my beloved Corps, you used to be a freakin' cheerleader, in college. Is this true?

-the room roars-

CAPTAIN: (after a minute) Well, I-
GUNNY: Shaddap, sir! *BAM* Two dollar fine for the beer fund!!! Goddamn, the way your going, sir, the next run is on you!!!
CAPTAIN: Yeah, I was a cheerleader at university.
-more roars-
GUNNY: Let's have us a motivating cheer, for the Marines, of course.
CAPTAIN: - Oh fuc-
Gunny - Shaddap, sir! Two dollar fine for risking damage to my delicate ears! Do the cheer, sir! *BAM BAM!!!*

The Captain proceeds to do one hell of a Marine Corps Cheer.

CAPTAIN: Give me a 'U'!!!

*crickets chirping...*

GUNNY: Where's my pose, Captain?!?

CAPTAIN: *sigh* Give me an 'S"!!! (strikes a pose)

*low chuckles*

CAPTAIN: Give me a 'M'!!!

CAPTAIN: Give me a 'C'!!! What's that spell?!?!...

GUNNY: Ok Sir, that's enough of that, sit down.

The good Captain got a hearty round of applause.

Oddly, most of the Officers were hard found after that, until the night was over.


Mike said...

I bet he had the emotion surgically removed, but I kinda picture Gunny sounding a little guilty and/or squirming when he tells the Captain to sit down.

I've learned at work nothing makes makes an attempt to embarrass someone backfire like too much information or excessive enthusiasm.

Murphy said...

Me, I'd probably be squirming like hell, but Gunny was always a balsy one. I suspsect that there is a reason that there are not too many occasions to mix Marines, booze, and rank...