Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Everybody Loves... Murphy?

So Mom came up to visit a couple of months ago, to bring up some of Dad's stuff and to visit. She also came up to look for a house. Guess who got to take her shopping?


A little bit about myself, when it comes to shopping.

I'm the type of guy that'll put off buying... stuff for about as long as possible, then blaze my way through the stores. It's not that I'm an anti-shopper, it's just that I'd rather do a bunch of other stuff than fighting traffic, fantasizing about the first civilian-vehicle mounted ma deuce (that one's actually kinda fun), sharking the lots for an empty parking spot, listening to the sweet strains of children either screaming or conversing with orbiting satellites, getting accosted by over-enthusiastic sales 'people' and the like.

To me, trimming my toe-nails, scratching my ass, and watching another exciting episode of As The Grass Grows is much more personally fulfilling.

I've been known to walk into a store, eye-ball & grab a pair of jeans off the rack, and barely remember to check the waist size and length on my way to the register -- that's another thing, I remember being floored back when Lovely explained what they do to some of the ladies' line of clothing. Stuff mislabeled size-wise to encourage the sale? Devious bastards...

So let me tell you how much fun I had when I took Mom out house-hunting.

We went with the same guy that I used for my house, so that part wasn't too bad. The difficult part is that what she's looking for just isn't on the market, here. She wants a house that's somewhat close to two of her kiddos (me and Baby Sis), a one story (her folks might move in with her and they are of the age where stairs might not be a good idea), numerous rooms for friends and possibly other family, her other 'musts' are varied, pretty specific, and rather rigid.

Not much (here) in what she was looking for. There is a college town and plenty of apartments south of us, Big City (and related traffic) to the north, and not much to either side. There are some really nice houses in the area, but it's a bit of a drive to just about anywhere.

There were a few remote possibilities, and I, with all of my one house purchasing experience, was trying to offer what suggestions I had (Heck, I know I'll be doing all the yard-work, landscaping, minor repairs, and whatnot). Heh, prices have gone up just a wee bit (to her perspective) in the past 15 years or so...

So she finished up the shopping trip (from hell), visited with me and Baby Sis, and went back home to her other children (dogs and cats), not really wild about any of the prospects. I was wild about being done shopping for houses.

A couple of weeks later, I got a call from her.

"Hey Mom, been thinking about the houses we saw?"

"Actually yeah, I have I decided not to get any of those houses, but to build a new one. I was meaning to ask you, how comfortable you'd be with me living pretty close to you, instead of a nearby city, or across your city?"


"Where's your house gonna be, Mom?"

"Well... you know how your subdivision is still building houses, right?"


"You know that lot that's closest to your house?"

"The one that's across the street, 'bout 40 feet away, that just put up the 'sold' sign and started leveling the earth for the foundation?"

"Would it be ok, if I had bought that lot?"

Guess I'm gonna have to hide the bodies, tidy up, and keep the pants on around the house from now on...


Bobby G. said...

ROFLMAO....and all too true many times.
One phrase comes to mind:
"yer killin' me Ma...yer killin'me"!
(sit up straight and don't touch yourself down there, son)

Oh yeah...gonna be a fun time.
But hey, that's what Moms' do (best).
And you still HAVE yours...a blessing no matter what the scenario.


ajdshootist said...

My advise what ever you do dont give her a Key! Made that mistake once all i can say is when i got home from a weekends shooting trip i thought i had come to the wrong house,first thing i did was change the locks if i had just taken the key back she would have still been able to get in with the half dozen she would have had cut 2nd was to tell her NOT to just drop round and 3rd to tell her to ring me before droping round,the other choise is to move and dont tell her untill she has moved into the house across the road!!!!

karla (threadbndr) said...

I live right across the street from my mom, and the Marine!Goth is talking about buying that house from her when she is ready to sell!!!

I'm OK living across from my mom - free babysitting when the boy was little.

I'm not sure if I want to live across from the kids - free babysitting expected of me, you know *G*.

Anonymous said...

This is NOT A GOOD IDEA. I had my Mom living with my wife and myself for about 13 moths and it was pure hell. Not that I don't love my Mom, but we just can't live too near. An hour away is about right.

Old NFO said...

Bobby G said it better than I could... However, on the Ma Deuce, if you're near Dallas, I've got a buddy with one mounted on a Jeep. He could probably be talked out of it for a 'small' sum...

When he drives it to the militaria shows he says he NEVER has any problems with traffic or people cutting him off, especially when he has the mannequin strapped into the gun! :-)

Fire Fox said...

I lived just "around the corner" from my mom for about 2 years. She was great, respected my privacy, called before showing up or when she didn't; never complained when I didn't answer the door. It was great being so close for awhile. I could pop in for coffee at her house or she could come by and sit at the picnic table and yak for awhile when I was hanging the laundry on the line. I live about 1/2 hr away now, and still see her, but not like it was back then. Hope you enjoy your Mom as much as I do mine!

Snigglefrits said...

I share 34 acres with my parents and have had the same experience as Fire Fox. The only time she gets annoyed with me is when I don't answer the phone.


Murphy said...

bobby g: "And you still HAVE yours...a blessing no matter what the scenario."

Couldn't say it any better than that.

ajdshootist: Not sure if keys are gonna help much, she was a friggin' ninja when it came to finding out what I was up to as a kid. Nowadays... might just have to leave fuzzy cuffs, ky, and inflato-sheep lying around to discourage unnanounced visits while I'm out...

karla: Cheap babysitting will be cool, eventually, hopefully I'm not the baby in question!

anony: Remains to be seen. Right now we're 6-7 hours away - too far. Heck, she might be running for the border before I do...

old nfo: EXACTLY what I'm talking about. I might have to rig something up for the sun roof, but where there's a will...

fire fox: I hope so too. I don't foresee too many problems, but even if there are, it should make for some interesting stories.

sniglefrits: 34? Must be nice... Yeah, I kinda figure the car in the driveway'll be a dead giveaway if I should try to screen my calls.

Xtine said...

My mom and I have this unspoken agreement (after some very rough years): She'll live in Colorado, and I'll come visit. Right now, our schedules keep us the right distance apart. It is nice to say "Hey. I have mono. How about that corn chowder you've been promising me for three months? Bring it to me at work tonight?" and know it's not too far for her to drive.

My bf's mother? Lives entirely too close for comfort. Thank god she's always too busy dusting and re-arranging her piles of broken trash cans and newspapers to ever actually bother us when she's bored.

Bf's step-mother's mother? Lives a block up from her, but is so old that breathing puts her at risk for breaking a rib.

Bad idea.

As far as's a great vent for frustration. Other drivers, dipshit employees, and cunty customers are excellent practice for things like perfecting your tone for "Oh, that's your cart/kid/car?"